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The Unexpected Journey: Making it Happen

Episode 6: Dreams


Have you ever looked at someone and thought that it is always others who travel, move to the city they love, or go for something beyond regular?
I was...

compass and map
Azimuth Adventure ©Dee Crute

Four days into the Unexpected Journey Adventure, I sit at a quaint Love Cake Cafe in Swanage, stuffing my gob with cake.


But I am also writing - making my vision come true.


I want you to ponder upon this question:

Do you have dreams?

Dreams of doing or achieving something? Of becoming someone?


Do you remember, as a kid, being pestred by adults with questions like: Who would you like to be when you grow up?


Then several years later, questioning yourself: What do I want to do with my life?



the man gainst sunset
The Man ©Dee Crute

Expectations


Looking back, I can see that most of my decisions were made within the boundaries of society's standards; what a woman should do or what my parents deemed appropriate. I was doing what I was expected to do.

School, university, and then employment imposed expectations and norms too.


I found this very pronounced with people who are different, neurodivergent or have additional needs, such as disability or caring responsibilities.


You are expected to conform. To fit into a mould.

Surrounded by walls holding you from being your genuine self.


And yet, society changes every few years; being bisexual, I know it would be unacceptable several years ago. We don't even have to look as far back as Oscar Wilde's incarceration for being his magnificent self to know how society's dynamics can be harmful.


So I am asking again, what are your dreams beyond the shackles and boundaries of conformism?

barbed wire around wooden post and ladybird
Steel Thorns ©Dee Crute

Breaking Bonds

Nature and the outdoors have always been part of me, but I did not consider it a career path.


My father successfully got the idea of becoming a competition horse rider or working with animals out of my head. Even my decision to study biology was frowned upon:


Why not medicine? Why not be useful?

Useful? Useful to the society and family standing?


Other barriers in my life were undiagnosed autism and ADHD. I desperately kept to my routines and stayed in my ruts - day in and out.

My life was shrinking more and more.


I don't want to blame society nor demonise autism for my life decisions or, rather, indecisions.

Yet, these factors had an immense impact on my life.


I remember being surrounded by so much beauty at Stirling University, Scotland. And yet, I have explored so very little. I did not even enter William Wallace's monument as I became overwhelmed by the crowds.


But changes were afoot...


During my time as an academic on Physiology Research Team in Poland, I started listening to Polish Online Radio, where I came across Beata Pawlikowska and her programme, Swiat Wedlug Blondynki (World according to Blondi).


What a woman! Journalist, Photographer, Traveler, Author, Illustrator, and tv+radio presenter!


But to me, she was the real adventures - who travelled to the world's most distant places on public transport; ate, slept and mingled with locals, learnt and observed their customs and tried to learn and speak vernacular.

Thanks to her voyages, I started drinking Yerba Mate - at the time, it was the most exotic touch in my life!


I wanted to be adventures - I wanted to be like her!
But it was only a dream — a fantasy. Something that I imagined but did not dare to do.


agricultural road and fields
The Road ©Dee Crute

Then 'life happened'...


I was with child, quit PhD, and moved back to Brighton with my ex-husband.


After three years of domestic abuse and isolation, I eventually ran away from him and divorced, becoming my family's black sheep.


What a scandal!

Despite my father witnessing my injuries, he would not 'allow' for divorce - ungodly and immoral! I was not sure whether I was more afraid of my ex-husband or my father.






But this time, I stood my ground. I became estranged from my family. I was moneyless. Jobless. I could not return to academia - I was away for far too long, rendering my experience outdated.


And yet, I got up on my feet and rebuilt my life - I rejoined the British Red Cross and volunteered as a medic, and got back to off-road running.



milestone on the cliff overseeing the sea
The Milestone ©Dee Crute

Small steps led me to crave more.


Thus, I attended The Adventurer Club Unlost Co. in Brighton.

I was daunted by all those people who travelled the world and their wondrous stories. I kept quiet as I had nothing to share...


I was chatted up anyway, and thank God for my ADHD!

Oversharing, or being hyperverbal about your life experiences, as clever heads call it, has been probably the most challenging trait of ADHD, bringing a lot of shame and anxiety. But this time was different.


After I shared the story of my life, they looked at me and exclaimed: "Geez, wow, you are real adventures!"


I was flabbergasted and unsure whether they meant it or were mocking, so I said timidly that I hadn't been anywhere really...


The girl who solo backpacked the whole of America hugged me and said it is not about travelling but about the mindset.


I felt very emotional, but luckily our host was to introduce the special guest of the evening - a globetrotter and modern Indiana Jones - whose name I cannot recall (obviously). He told us about magnificent destinations and daring experiences.


But what made an impression on me were his following words:


"I travelled the whole globe, yet my biggest adventure was becoming a father. No matter what you do, small or big, the adventure is any endeavour with an unexpected outcome".


Armed with this definition, I regained confidence in myself and started working towards becoming a detective - one of my childhood dreams, nonetheless within a 'traditional' profession boundaries.


But we all know how it ended!


Do not take me wrong - it was an experience, and despite ending up with trauma and PTSD, and losing everything, I do not regret it.



catkins
Spring Renewal ©Dee Crute




"When the time comes for you to make a change, to grow, to do your life in a different way, the universe will make you so uncomfortable, so unhappy, you will eventually have no choice". - Iyanla Vanzant






I believe in this quote, even if this is the way to cope with what happened. I trust that life is pushing me in the right direction.


What happened made me re-evaluate my life and gave me the courage to pursue my real dream.


The dream I thought of as a fantasy and folly.


The dream of becoming an adventures!


tent on the cliff
Solitude ©Dee Crute

But here I am!


Traversing wilderness and writing.


I know that a writing career will not happen overnight. But that is okay. I am ready to do what needs to be done!


I am no longer conforming and pleasing others. This time I am making things happen to me.


golden fields against the sky
South Downs ©Dee Crute


What about you?

So this is my story. I went through hell and back to get where I am - and I am still far away from my destination.


It is hard to find yourself when everyone tells you what you need to be, and it is difficult to fit in the world. I don't want to sound radical, but we don't create our world when everything revolves around consumerism and conforming.


But what is your dream?
What do you want to do?

Not your parents, your employer, your neighbour or our government?

What is something that may not work out or not seemingly fit within current reality but what you want to do - do let me know!


We need to start thinking outside the box and doing what is right for us.

For instance, the adventuring industry has always intimidated me. All those good-looking, fit people in fancy gear with their slogans:



"You need to challenge yourslef."

"You can do anything you set your mind on."


Poppycock.

Technically, it is true - with the right resources and enough time, anything is possible if you are dogged.


But it is an unfair and harmful statement - not all of us can readily access all resources or have enough time. Some of us struggle with mental health or neurodiversity, have children or caring responsibilities. Some of us cannot give up on our families or jobs to walk half of England.


Thus, these catchphrases are not inclusive and detrimental to our self-worth.

We should focus on what is important to us and what we can do.


Instead of feeling intimidated by Globetrotting, let us explore ourselves first and then the big world.


Books and Maps by Tolkien
Epitome of Adventure ©Dee Crute

The Introverts Adventure Club


I want to create a safe space for people to whom adventure is much more than travelling and climbing mountains.

Where you can find yourself and cherish your 'special interests'.


All of my adventures are themed and based on my passions, like books, history, fantasy, steampunk, folklore, witchy things, biology and crafts.


When hiking or cycling, I see the world through the lens of Tolkien's Middle Earth, and the fields through Thomas Hardy's Far From the Madding Crowd or Anne of Green Gables.


map of tolkien
There and Back Again ©Dee Crute

I want to invite you to a world where books are married with nature and adventure. That's why I am presenting you The Introverts Adventure Club!


When I go out - I do it to recharge. To heal.

Pushing myself after the whole challenging day would be far too much.


Thus, in our Introverts Adventure Club - we recharge.


Watch this space for more information!


Before I go, remember to look inside yourself and think about your dreams...


Farewell adventurer!


















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4 hozzászólás


summersunday
2023. ápr. 25.

Yes indeed! 🫶🏻 I’m exploring it too! I have found a YouTube channel that speaks to the creative struggle: Struthless. I’ve found it so helpful. 💚

Kedvelés
Dee Crute
Dee Crute
2023. máj. 14.
Válasz címzettje:

Awhh I need to check it out! Thank you!

Kedvelés

summersunday
2023. ápr. 24.

My husband is often in awe of my ‘can do’ attitude. He wonders how I can just have a go at something without worrying about if I will fail or not, when he feels afraid to try anything. In reality I battle depression, anxiety, disorganisation, procrastination and perfectionism all the time. I’m not great at finishing things but I’m getting better. My own thoughts seem like mountains to climb up or circumnavigate. My thoughts are the landscape I traverse and need to conquer. I love nature and do find it healing; I appreciate beauty and love to paint what I see. I am an artist. I would love to make enough money to live on from my art. But I’…

Kedvelés
Dee Crute
Dee Crute
2023. ápr. 24.
Válasz címzettje:

Your brain is so like mine! Apart from your talent! Your paintings are wonderful! Truly a God's gift! Not finishing things is my real issue but soon I will try to research and tackle it too! Apparently it is typical ADHD thing 🤷🏻‍♀️ So many post drafts... Including those promised... Thank you so much! I really hope I do something for others/help by sharing my stories! Thank you 😘

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